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Being With Grief

Updated: Aug 26, 2022

I will write often about "being with grief". Being with grief is hard, it's uncomfortable, and it's messy. Being with grief requires courage. Living in a society that offers a billion options and choices, we are adept at choosing the option that offers us comfort and peace.

Grief isn't a popular choice. Society would prefer us to choose anything other than our grief. Our grief makes them uncomfortable which in turn makes us uncomfortable. Ask any grieving person, we have all made the choice of choosing false contentment instead of being with our grief. It happens.

Many of us are great at choosing something other than our grief. When my twin boys were stillborn, I chose distractions over grief. I focused on my family, my homeschool, meal planning, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, cooking, church activities, reading and NOT thinking. Thinking led to feeling. Feeling was uncomfortable and painful and hard. Therefore, I chose to not feel.

Being with grief invites us to be emotional and then ponder all that we feel, taking time to process. Being with grief invites us into the rawness of the moments, the never-ending flow of tears and the gulps for air. Being with grief invites us into the fear of tomorrow. Being with grief invites us to have self-compassion so we don't shame ourselves into putting up a false front. Being with grief invites us to quiet our minds and sit in silence.

Twenty-seven years ago, I was not courageous. I was afraid of the hard, uncomforting grief. I hid from the raw desperation, the agonizing pain and the unrelenting guilt. Years later when I courageously accepted grief's invitation, I was met with those same raw emotions. But, added to the list was regret; regret that I had denied myself from being with my grief in the hours, days and weeks that followed.

Ask yourself, "Can I courageously accept grief's invitation today?" Following a death, there is always an invitation. Let us now lovingly walk onto the hallowed ground of grief, pause and recognize its sacredness and courageously choose to be with our grief and embrace it.

" Allow me to take generous time to make peace with the searing ache of loss, betrayal, and abandonment. When the pain is excruciating, let me cross my arms over my heart to embrace my center." ~Prayers of Honoring Grief by Pixie Lighthorse, Honoring a Broken Heart

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