Grief is a spiritual experience. For some, this experience feels like a crisis. A spiritual crisis asks us to find meaning of the chaos and loss.
After a death our world has forever changed. Everything we planned for, everything we dreamed of, everything we hoped for is no longer. We find ourselves questioning our identity, our values, our purpose and our beliefs.
At the same time we are trying to makes sense of chaos, others fell the need to suggest how we should think and believe. We have all heard them, but they are not what we believe. "He's in a better place." But I want him here. "At least you have other children" But I wanted this one too. "You're young, you can remarry." But I loved my spouse, I don't want another. "She didn't suffer." But now she is dead and she shouldn't be. The painful list can go on and on. Even though these suggestions are often given in concern for the grieving person, the messages are conflicted.
This is where the spiritual transformation takes place. What we used to believe before the death and before our grief will be different than what we believe after the death and in grief. We may realize that we too often believed the same things that we are now hearing. But, now in grief, we begin to question those beliefs.
This is OK. Surrender. Surrender doesn't mean we are going to give up. Surrender means we are going to release control of how we think (believe) we are to be. We become more accepting of how we actually think (believe).
In order to surrender we need to realize that it is important to acknowledge ALL of our grief, not just the portions that are accepted by society (the sympathy card parts). Accept the anger, hurt, longing, guilt and pain. This is releasing control. This takes courage and willingness to be vulnerable. We ask ourselves, What do I believe? Do these beliefs align with my past beliefs? Do I need to shift? Little bit by little bit we begin to be transformed.
We truly can live the pain of grief and simultaneously live a life of transformation. For it is in the darkness of grief where we are being transformed in life.
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