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Bless This Mess

Updated: Aug 26, 2022


The early days, weeks and months of grief are messy. There are no two ways about it. You may choose other ways to describe grief, but for me, a mess, seems to fit.


We all know what a mess is. We’ve seen it; laundry day, a teenager’s bedroom, upturned trash cans after a racoon visitor, the junk drawer in the kitchen or the aftermath of a summer storm. This describes the typical definition of a mess, the untidy state of things.


The second definition, however, describes the mess more completely; a situation or state of affairs that is confused or full of difficulties. Grief is a mess.


Your life has just been turned upside down. Your emotions are changing constantly. Your body may feel heavy or shaky or both. You may not be sleeping well. Your eyes may be tired and swollen from shedding tears. Your eating habits have changed. Your house is unkept. Your mail is staking up. The laundry hamper is overflowing. Funeral flowers are in every corner and on top of every table. The kitchen sink is full, as is the dishwasher. People are coming and going and your freezer is overflowing with casseroles. The noise of the TV is annoying but the silence without it is unbearable. You pick up a book to read and promptly put it down out of disinterest. Your mind is full of questions, with no answer in sight. The decisions that will have to be made keep running through your mind like a never-ending movie reel. You seriously don’t know whether to cry, laugh or scream, the pain is real, the despair is palpable and your head is spinning in all directions. Confusion and difficulties. Yes, a mess.


You’ve seen the sign that people hang on their wall. Some are fancy, some are plain, some are wooden plaques and some are needle point. The message is the same “Bless This Mess”. We that are grieving need to keep that message in our minds. Bless this time of chaos with grace each day. The mess is not likely your norm. It is a temporary situation brought on by a devastating circumstance. The mess will be attended to when the time is right. As you begin to acknowledge the grief in your life, the mess will become less and less. Decisions will be made, piles will dwindle, laundry will get done and dishes put away. Your body will find its balance and your energy will come back. In the meantime, Bless This Mess.


Bless This Mess.

Take some time and give yourself space to release stored energy. Believe it or not we store a lot of emotional energy in our hip area. Today instead of placing your hands over your heart, give your hips some attention. Two things you can do to relieve some of the stuck energy. The first is to go for a walk. Moving your legs will work that energy out of your body. The second thing you can do is to take a blanket or towel and roll it up into a roll. Lie on your stomach and place the roll under your hip points. The roll should be large enough to enable your hips to be a bit elevated. Extend your legs out from your hips and stack your hands, one on top of the other, and place them under your forehead. Now, try to relax. Breath in and out, scan your body for tension and let it release. Try and let your body become heavy as it drapes over the rolled blanket. Let the emotions flow through and out. Feel what is there. Find a bit of stillness amidst the mess.


Grief, the deep sorrow that is caused by someone’s death, is natural and normal. The mess is there, it is part of the experience. Giving yourself permission to ignore the piles, work with your emotions and “BE” with your grief. This can become your very own personal way to “Bless This Mess”. You are living with Grief in Life.

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